The Watchful Eye

The first time I saw Prof Yip, she commented that the lump on my left breast was huge and unusual.  It would typically take years for a lump to reach such proportions..  She suggested that I may have been negligent in my own self-examination.  In defence I told her how unlikely that would seem since I have had a fibroid on the same breast since 1986 and had kept a watchful eye over it for years.

Indeed I have.

Two weeks after my surgery, when the painkillers were finally called off, I hit the roof when I found a new lump under my armpit.  I sent a text message to Prof Yip and she agreed to see me on the following day.  (Her appointments are usually arranged 2 months in advance.)  She examined my lump and laid my anxiety to rest.  Those were fatty tissues and it will take time for them to soften.  Not to worry.

I may not have written about this but the fibroid I had since 1986 disappeared at or around the time this new one appeared. What I have learned over the years is that a fibroid usually slips under your fingers while cancer tumors don't.

That's the trouble with The Beast.  Once you have The Beast, you have to stay vigilant because you never know when one of those nasty little Beasties leave its nasty little mothership to explore and claim new territory.

And so it was, with some trepidation that I examined my wound and left arm daily.  The numbness on my left hasn't dissipated.  New concerns arose with this matter about the skin.  Worried about the consequences of lymphedema, I compared both my arms everyday.  Are they of the same size?  Can I spot any difference?  In recent weeks I noticed a slow change taking place on  the skin over my left upper arm.  It acquired a pallid appearance looking mostly grey and scaly. I have reasons for concern.  You see, if those little beasties infiltrate your skin, they start looking like orange peels. I watched them carefully, closely.  Yesterday, for the first time, I told my husband that my arm could be in trouble. Ever the practical man, he exclaimed "Dead cells.  They're dead cells. Just scrub them off."

Which I did.

He was right.

I have somehow neglected to scrub my arm in recent weeks when I showered just because they're numb.  Sometimes I give too much credence to my fears.